Monthly Archives: April 2012

Don’t understand

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I got up at 5:00am……cooked breakfast and did chores…..3 days in a row!! *blinks*. Am I sick?

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Last night I was able to tell Daddy a bit how I’ve been feeling. It’s hard to communicate properly when I work days and he works nights….this is something that has really stood out in our journey down the rabbit hole.

Daddy’s not real big on sharing emotions or even thoughts and for an analytical person is really into the “just wait and see” school of thought. I’m the exact opposite when it comes to that….I want to analyze *everything* so that I know where I stand and what’s going on.

We have a small vacation next week, just the two of us and hopefully we can straighten things out.

On the bright side, I have a date with the girl I’ve been seeing befor vacation!

Improvement

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Daddy is happy again! Not estatic, mind you – Daddy keeps all of his emotions very close (quite unlike me who flies emotion often and proudly), but definitely happy. He’s smiling again and playing games with the Kiddos. And we’re having sex again!!!

As a consequence, I am starting to lose the anxiety I’ve been carrying around for the past several weeks. My mood is *so* wrapped up in his that I can barely remember what it was like with separate emotions.

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I seem to be recovering from the meltdown…but it seems to be taking quite awhile. I melted down 10 days ago and I’m still now centered.

Not that I’m blaming Daddy in the slightest (cause he’s been really busy at work, the kiddos are driving us both crazy and he’s been fighting off some sort of ickiness) but part of my issue is that I’m not getting any feedback. I threw down a lot of shit and followed it up with a lot of deep thought (and journaling in my designated property journal) which provided the gist of an email to Daddy about his friend and my less than friendly feelings towards her among other things.

I don’t expect him to change his behaviors; that would be silly cause he’s the Owner. But property needs to be maintained….at least I think so- like a yard (cause I hate the car analogy). A yard must be mowed and weeded and pruned and – oh hell, I’ve no idea….I can’t even keep a plant alive. But you get the idea.

I don’t feel if does much good to tell property that it’s good most of the time and do nothing to correct bad behavior or habits. And then get all surprised when something happens. It seems like that’s lie not pruning your trees and then wondering why the dead limbs got tangled in the power lines and knocked out power to your neighborhood. *shrug*

I’m sure he’ll get around to me at some point.